Better dad question #7

Setting your expectations at the right level is critical to being a good parent. But that can be hard to get right, so let’s try this.

Think of a moment with your children that often makes you stressed, frustrated and angry. 

Got it? Good.

Now let's set the context for that moment. You, the parent, your job is to help your little one grow up into the best big person they can be. For the first three and half or so years, this means doing a lot for them, being a bit of a micro-manger. But as they get older, the only way they learn is by making their own mistakes and reflecting on them. If you try to control them, or do everything for them, they will not learn, you won't be doing your job. It's like a shift from manager to coach. 

Now think about your expectations of their behaviour in that moment. Remembering what you've read, remembering what it was like when you were that age, if you can. 

Now, here's the better dad question:

In that instance, are your expectations set at the right level to help them grow up into the best big person they can be, at their age?

What this question does is change the frame of thinking from short term, which is a more pressured, to long term - 'best big person'. This shift releases the pressure and changes the definition of success.

It's not about getting to school on time today, it's about them learning how do to do everything necessary to arrive somewhere on time. There's a big difference between those two, and even as adults, we don't always get right.