As they get older, kids fool you. Not deliberately (most of the time), but when they get to 5 and 6 parenting becomes less intense. It’s still hard, really hard at points, but they begin to be able to feed, dress and entertain themselves, wipe their bum, carry a bag and all that. They’re super cute and just keep getting more capable. Yeah, there are still sulks and grumps and carried-away-chaos, but it’s not like trying to contend with a raging toddler.
My boys are 13 & 15. It’s not until I started reading We need to talk, by Ian Williamson that I realised that those years from aged 5 onwards are like parenting downhill. Now, it’s a bit like having toddlers again and we're back on the incline. Instead of full body tantrums about it being time to go, or the food on their plate not being quite right (even though they asked for it 5 minutes ago), you get shouting, door slamming, stand offs and silent treatments that last evenings and in one friend’s case, a full day.
For teenagers, like toddlers, everything is the end of the world. No-one has ever had it as hard as them. Parents ruin everything. But they fool you because they look like adults and they’ve spent years surprising you with just how capable, creative and thoughtful they can be. Each year they have been getting a bit more so. Until adolescence. Their brain starts growing super fast again... and their logic and relationship skills just can't keep up.
When you have a new-born people tell you ‘it’s just a phase, it’ll soon pass’ and it does. A month goes by and it’s all change. What we don’t see are the slower, bigger phases we’re passing through. I’ve found that realising I’m just in a new phase, is the most helpful thing right now, because the last thing I want to be is the dad who constantly clashes with his teen.
